top 10 reasons why elliptical machines suck

1. They were created to cause pain and difficulty.
2. Some how it always feels like I’m moving backwards.
3. My legs always feel like they are going to explode at the calf after 3 minutes.
4. I’m normally not getting on them of my own free will…Lindsay makes me do it
5. Champps boneless wings with wedge fries is better…this only leads to more ellipticals.
6. They make noises that sometimes sound like farts…when everybody looks up it is always the look of “yep…the fat guy let one go again.” Guilty by association. This is not right.
7. There always seems to be one guy that has shaved legs working out on them…this leads me to think about why my legs aren’t shaved and where shaving legs came from…don’t get me wrong, shaved legs are good (on my wife), but why does that guy shave his legs? Not cool.
8. They always face TVs. This isn’t bad, except that the TVs are always small which leads to squinting. Squinting leads to headaches…and you get my point. Also, you would think that all the money I am paying for a gym membership would lead to the purchase of BIG TVs. What are they doing with all that money?
9. Cleaning the machines. Why is this the job of the paying client who works out on them? It is always awkward. Also, who cleans the machines if it is busy and there are people lined up? Isn’t it easier to jump off and let the next victim worry about it? Makes sense to me. Who says that brush of chemicals with your sweat-stained towel is getting the job done anyways.
10. A little thing I like to call “potato butt.” I’m a big guy. I recognize that it is my fault that I am this big and that stress, too much work, and a horrible diet has lead to my bigness. Thus…the reason for being on an elipitical in the first place. However, who gave big people the green card on wearing “butt” tight pants. This should not be…dimples and spandex do not go together like peanut butter and jelly. You won’t catch me in tight pants, so why should other big people subject others to this? Especially on eliptical machines. These machines only highten the need for these individuals to purchase larger gear.

This is my first shot at this blog thing. Not too many deep thoughts here…I just needed to say what everybody else is thinking. You know its true. Also, remember…if Chuck Norris is running late, time better slow the heck down.

Peace Out

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About lindsay

just a girl, creator, reader, learner, homeschooler. wife to one and mother to two others. in the city and loving it. in pursuit of God and community.
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5 Responses to top 10 reasons why elliptical machines suck

  1. Kristin says:

    Good morning my fine feathered friends. It is good to know that I can harass you here on the world wide web. Just kidding. It is good to see you guys at the Y. We all need to get together again… like in the old days of last year. I will get Andy up here to party. Come visit me at Zanzibar’s sometime too! I know you aren’t very happy with that place, but I am there and I will make your “coffee adventure” a warm, relaxing time. (I PROMISE!) Ok. I wish you the best for the next couple weeks. I am off to Mississippi to do some mission work. PEACE!

  2. SpartnPrincess says:

    Michael, that is hilarious…because most of them are true. How about #11 – The fact that your underwear and/or shorts go up your butt constantly.

    Sandy and I were both expecting that to come next…

    Cheers,
    Ranae

  3. Jane says:

    I have only one word, “Hilarious!” Seriousy, Lindsay, you need to start the book! Looking forward to future installments…
    Jane 🙂

  4. Kate says:

    Yes, I laughed pretty hard at that blog as well. By the way, I also liked the blogs below this one! Good stuff Lindsay! You two rock! Oh, and Michael does too. : )
    kate

  5. the other youngs says:

    hey, it’s awesome…we have a suggestion though. How about adding a little something about our dear friend Chuck Norris(did i spell that right?)ha ha ha..i think you guys know what i’m talking about…call us to discuss this…love
    rob and jane

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